Shivering Sweat; It is Love

God, strike me for my wickedness
Not as a consequence, but as relief
I've long shivered and sweat
Empty in my grief
I look now, to the heavens for some mercy
Some sort of sedative to ease the suffering
Hide from me my reward for a job not done
This Hell on earth blasphemes the Hell which you have saved me from
The worm that will not die tempts me to cut him out
I draw a blade, but hide it again
Knowing full well that you forgive all sin
Realizing, eyelids shaved, that I still suffer earth's wrath... and deserve it
Man's pity, even heaped, does nothing
Pull me to a place where I can do something
Or at least see anything
It's dark, it's downright black in here
My soul fits in, my heart in fear
Cries out for a rope
Preferably a ladder
The same one its always had
The same one it doused in kerosene and set afire
The good do not deserve my problems
The evil do not seek them out
The Holy One cries out to me
But I cling to the weight that pushes me down
"Raise me up!" I say, my feet on the land
My hands gripping the iron bars
I wail and cry out
I shed my heart and still nothing
My hands and feet have thrown off mind's imperial hold
Sheer will of want drives the grip
Turning skin red and warping bones
I cry again, this time to no one
Hoping something else can take me home
Love, I thought I knew you well
I scoffed at the man who claimed your company
Scoffing became chuckling
Chuckling turned to laughter
Hysterically I laughed and laughed
"I know love more than he knows me!"
I laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed
The man who I was laughing at turned my way
I saw his pale face, it drooped and sagged
His eyes no longer showed through
Their openings had become bags
He wore a ghastly suit
In fear I laughed
I laughed and laughed until I saw the truth
That man was I, he was myself
Gripping, slipping below mantle shelf
Swallowed by earth
To rise again? I AM will know
Will he lose his grip or just let go?
If by his will he looses the grasp, he flies
If by my want I grip until the last, I die
Foolish decisions turn me down, pray make this creature new
For no remnant of the old man can know what freedom is
He speaks another language, another tongue
Another day, another dollar
And so his bed was full of dollars
Giving him rest at night, sore back in the morning
When death comes, theres mourning for all that burned up like hay
Sticks, twigs and refuse all piled to such a height
When judgement comes a holy fire will make a wondrous sight
Split-second glory, a metaphor of what wealth means in life
An allegory when all done
The Father, Spirit, and the Son
All forces pushing me to run
I stand still
The grip still there, the feeling gone
The whip rips bare back, stealing song
Lids back, close fast, whip crack!

Light slides in slowly, singing voices
Holy, Holy, Holy
I lift up beaten head, battered limbs
I look to see my tattered skin
Is gone
Again the song
Holy, Holy, Holy, and then the throng
Voices raised, my own as well
Hell is gone, colors abound
I've found it!
That which I fought to achieve
That which I tried to believe
That which was so hard to grieve
I've found it!
It's been given to me
I have it, I give it, I share it, I live it
It is Love!
Boundless, unrelenting
Satisfying, upon repenting
I have found Love worth defending...
And now the groom comes to the altar
He lifts his bride up to meet him well
I never wanted anything so wonderful
For I knew not what it was
A Love that's perfect
Merely shadowed on earth
I've done nothing to deserve it
I'll still rejoice upon it's hearth
My sins, a stench left by a fire
That left a few small, humble gems
I AM erases any remnant
Of that old hay and sticks and twigs
The only thing I feel now
The only thing that's real
Is God's grace, is God's Love
We that are the bride all share it
Wrapped in Love, we gladly wear it
All is new, All is Love
My family sings again
Of our fruits, a harvest
Of our sins, a flood
Iron bars snapped in half
Eureka! It is Love!

Rings and Smiles

The day was clear
Our future near
I held you in the lobby
Put the ring upon your finger
Smashing all the chains of fear

The day was gone
My tears came on
Your mother, she sat by me
Gave me words of consolation
My heart ached and suffered long

There’s no way to tell the depths
Deepness of a live connection
Inside searching for direction
For a light inside the darkness
For a shadow in the day

There’s no explanation worthy
Capable of giving notice
Of my willingness for service
For a light which I can harness
For to wash my fear away

What we said would live forever
Was as weak as we all knew
When we said that we were diff’rent
We were kidding ourselves to
O love, maybe not you

I saw your face
For the last time
In a dream I had last night
Sang a song that gave me favor
Said a word that made it rhyme

The dream passed by
Carried by lies
Out the doorway, down the hall
Flying high into the heavens
Left me wishing I would die

There’s no lasso ‘round the moon
That can pull me closer to you
I live off all that I get from you
For a night-light in the dark room
As some dust dodging the broom
Is what’s left of all that hope

Invincibility we claimed
Time has had its victory
Differences don’t mean anything
When it comes down to me
My love, remember me

Playtime Song

Who's that in the arms of my mom?
He's little and fat, and he's sucking his thumb
It's Adam! It's Adam!
He's my little brother
I'm glad my first playmate has finally come

Kids play, kids run
Jumping outside, warming up in the sun
Hit the ball with the wiffle bat
Load your pop-gun
And jumping through sprinklers can be so much fun

Who's that with the orange backpack
And the long blodish hair flowin' down on his back?
It's Jonny! It's Jonny!
Let's play with some legos
Get those power rangers right out of the sack

Kids play, kids run
Jumping outside, warming up in the sun
Hit the ball with the wiffle bat
Load your pop-gun
And jumping through sprinklers can be so much fun

Who's that with the orangish hair?
He's tall and he's quiet, (it's hard not to stare)
It's Zach'ry! It's Zach'ry!
Let's walk through the forest
And kick all the bad guys right out of the air!

Kids play, kids run
Jumping outside, warming up in the sun
Hit the ball with the wiffle bat
Load your pop-gun
And jumping through sprinklers can be so much fun

What's that? Now the sun's going down
We're slinking inside now and wearing a frown
It's over! It's over!
Our fun is now ended
But we'll play again when the sun comes back 'round

Kids play, kids run
Jumping outside, warming up in the sun
Hit the ball with the wiffle bat
Load your pop-gun
And jumping through sprinklers can be so much fun

No More

I haven’t cried myself to sleep for almost two days
I’m guessing that means that I’m doing alright
Getting by’s not so hard even if you don’t try
The color of life is gone, but I still see the light

If the sun rose this morning, I wouldn’t have known
Though I do feel its heat on my soft, pale skin
If it got any colder that bird would have flown
Now it eats at the worm that has dug itself in

No more imagination
No more sympathy
No more clutching to crutches
No more love that is free
No more grasping for answers
They’re in front of me
No more vague explanation, no more

There’s no consolation in being the last
When everyone else sees the obvious truth
You find no foundation in seeing the past
Once again, what you see is in front of you

Entangled and baseless and drawing my breath
In a world where air is as common as air
The mind, not convinced, will bring upon death
While the straw-hat civilians pass by without care

No more incredulation
No more symphony
No more clutching to grudges
No more love left in me
No more gasping for air
It’s all around me
No more plagued concentration, no more

No obstacles lay where I cannot quite cross
I’m rolling downhill, but my pedaling’s strained
Though continually moving, I’m covered in moss
Never able to reclaim the loss that I’ve gained

Outside of reality, hand on the glass
I look in to see hot food cooking inside
For a while it gives hope, but this moment must pass
They don’t offer rewards for just being alive

No more incarceration
No more simplicity
No more clutching to judges
In attempts to be free
No mouth gaping open
To swallow the sea
No more false lamentation, no more