Shivering Sweat; It is Love

God, strike me for my wickedness
Not as a consequence, but as relief
I've long shivered and sweat
Empty in my grief
I look now, to the heavens for some mercy
Some sort of sedative to ease the suffering
Hide from me my reward for a job not done
This Hell on earth blasphemes the Hell which you have saved me from
The worm that will not die tempts me to cut him out
I draw a blade, but hide it again
Knowing full well that you forgive all sin
Realizing, eyelids shaved, that I still suffer earth's wrath... and deserve it
Man's pity, even heaped, does nothing
Pull me to a place where I can do something
Or at least see anything
It's dark, it's downright black in here
My soul fits in, my heart in fear
Cries out for a rope
Preferably a ladder
The same one its always had
The same one it doused in kerosene and set afire
The good do not deserve my problems
The evil do not seek them out
The Holy One cries out to me
But I cling to the weight that pushes me down
"Raise me up!" I say, my feet on the land
My hands gripping the iron bars
I wail and cry out
I shed my heart and still nothing
My hands and feet have thrown off mind's imperial hold
Sheer will of want drives the grip
Turning skin red and warping bones
I cry again, this time to no one
Hoping something else can take me home
Love, I thought I knew you well
I scoffed at the man who claimed your company
Scoffing became chuckling
Chuckling turned to laughter
Hysterically I laughed and laughed
"I know love more than he knows me!"
I laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed
The man who I was laughing at turned my way
I saw his pale face, it drooped and sagged
His eyes no longer showed through
Their openings had become bags
He wore a ghastly suit
In fear I laughed
I laughed and laughed until I saw the truth
That man was I, he was myself
Gripping, slipping below mantle shelf
Swallowed by earth
To rise again? I AM will know
Will he lose his grip or just let go?
If by his will he looses the grasp, he flies
If by my want I grip until the last, I die
Foolish decisions turn me down, pray make this creature new
For no remnant of the old man can know what freedom is
He speaks another language, another tongue
Another day, another dollar
And so his bed was full of dollars
Giving him rest at night, sore back in the morning
When death comes, theres mourning for all that burned up like hay
Sticks, twigs and refuse all piled to such a height
When judgement comes a holy fire will make a wondrous sight
Split-second glory, a metaphor of what wealth means in life
An allegory when all done
The Father, Spirit, and the Son
All forces pushing me to run
I stand still
The grip still there, the feeling gone
The whip rips bare back, stealing song
Lids back, close fast, whip crack!

Light slides in slowly, singing voices
Holy, Holy, Holy
I lift up beaten head, battered limbs
I look to see my tattered skin
Is gone
Again the song
Holy, Holy, Holy, and then the throng
Voices raised, my own as well
Hell is gone, colors abound
I've found it!
That which I fought to achieve
That which I tried to believe
That which was so hard to grieve
I've found it!
It's been given to me
I have it, I give it, I share it, I live it
It is Love!
Boundless, unrelenting
Satisfying, upon repenting
I have found Love worth defending...
And now the groom comes to the altar
He lifts his bride up to meet him well
I never wanted anything so wonderful
For I knew not what it was
A Love that's perfect
Merely shadowed on earth
I've done nothing to deserve it
I'll still rejoice upon it's hearth
My sins, a stench left by a fire
That left a few small, humble gems
I AM erases any remnant
Of that old hay and sticks and twigs
The only thing I feel now
The only thing that's real
Is God's grace, is God's Love
We that are the bride all share it
Wrapped in Love, we gladly wear it
All is new, All is Love
My family sings again
Of our fruits, a harvest
Of our sins, a flood
Iron bars snapped in half
Eureka! It is Love!