When I Become Independently Wealthy 2

I'm going to build a house and completely decorate it entirely with glow-in-the-dark material.

I'm going to create a robot version of my wife. Not to replace her like in "The Stepford Wives", but to hold over her head so that she doesn't get out of line.

I'm going to dig out a system of tunnels all over the world for transportation by biologically engineered giant moles.

I'll have to build a massive giant mole breeding and training facility.

I'm going to market and sell a successful line of plush toys modelled after my world famous giant moles.

I'm going to find Moby Dick and kill it.

I'm going to finance an enormous Hollywood production depicting the story of my life. I will be played by Will Smith.

I will never clone myself.

I will, however, clone you.

I will purchase every copy of every original printing of every comic book ever and put them on display for nerds the world over to enjoy. Then I will burn them.

I will attempt to build a time machine. After decades of failed attempts and billions of dollars spent, I will finally give up. Then, as I sit smoking a cigar, using a special lung disease filter that I invented, I will realize that through all my research I learned the most valuable lesson of all: that some things just can't be done by man. As I make this realization, a mouse crawls into my latest "failed" time machine and ushers in an age of mouse-men in an alternate universe.

I will hold a special contest to allow five ordinary citizens the chance to see the inner sanctum of my lair. And out of them I will choose one who will get to see me naked.

I'm going to have special pool of molten lava in my room so that my friends and I can throw things in it and watch them melt. (This might sound like a fun drunk activity, but I've learned not to mix alcohol and lava.)

I will hire the worlds best hypnotists to convince all my ex-wives that everything was their fault, and also that I'm Batman.

I won't forget the little things like family, friends and high-grade cocaine.

I'll commission several solid gold busts of myself worth roughly $20,000 each. Then I will host a game-show where grand prize winners can either accept one of the golden busts, or whatever waits them behind the "Sur-PRIZE Door!". The show will be called, "Surprise or Bust!".

I will hire Jon Legend to play at my friend Jordan Rhea's house.