Two Men

There is a man who mourns for what he has lost, and a man who rejoices in what he retains. The man who rejoices finds joy in what he has, while the man who mourns does so endlessly, for all that he lacks is like a vast ocean. In it, he will drown while the joyous man stands tall on the island of his joy.

The joyous man finds love in what love he can give. The drowning man is lost in what love he can receive. There is no valley that the drowning man can't fill with his want, nor any mountain the joyous man can't scale with his love.

The loving man knows his own faults. The lacking man cannot see his faults through his want. His want is a great cloud, obscuring his vision in isolation. The loving man straightens his path in the clarity of truth, while he who lacks stumbles and falls.

Edge of my Seat

Popcorn bags have long been emptied
Floor is sticky, floor is sticky!
Advertisements fill the screen
Oxi-clean, Oxi-clean!
Everyone goes to the restroom
Get in line, wait your turn!
Washing, talking, taking time
Get in line, wait in line!

I sit
Intermission
Patient, waiting for the show
I wish
Interruption
Would pass by before I go
(He said) Loony!
(She said) Loony!
(They said) Loony!
(She said) Loony!
Leave me be, leave me alone

Patiently, I wait for hours
Intermission, Intermission!
My date went home and went to bed
Intermission, sleep prescription!
I just want to know what happens
Edge of my seat! Edge of my seat!
Who has lived and who is dead?
What she said, rest your head!

I slump
Intermission
Patience has gone out the door
I wish
That I knew
That this would happen, 'fore the show
(He said) Loony!
(She said) Loony!
(She said) Loony! Loony, Loony!
Leave me be, leave me alone

Words w/o Music 3

A lonestar rides, a solo ranger
A lone star shines above a manger
Words can't describe this holy scene
When angels look down on it, they sing

Words make way for the living Word God
Who came from heaven to where all men trod
He spoke a word to create it all
And against his word, man took a fall

We live life on earth lost in ourselves
We shield our eyes from sky and hell
We're not given much time, so use it
Enough of these words without music

Words w/o Music 2

I'm like words without music
Black and white on a page, tucked under a book
Music flies free, a symphony of sound
While death defies me, I'm planted on the ground
My words are legless, meaningless in practice
The act is in the recitation
Forcefully injecting Frankenstein life
On the surface perfecting my serpentine wife
Word's new companion falls flat on her face
Fulfilling as a bottomless mug
I am words without music
The musician surpassed the lyricist long ago
And finally flew to find a more worthy partner
Defining heartbreak for the lover of words better
than any dictionary
Words are unworthy of music by nature
Dwarfed in stature, never catching up
Never quite caught up
Not caught up, catch up!
Catch up now, you lagging words
Tagging birds, tracking birds who fly the jetstream
Struggle to explain, identify, move
Move now, you gutless words!
You baseless words, you faceless words!
Move, oh useless words, move us
Like leaves against the wind you fly
With no power of my own, without music, without hope
Without songs that help to cope
Help to heal, help to deal
Help to steal a little smile
Words have heaped a heavy pile
All the while music flies
Free and happy in the skies
You were my music
How did I lose it?
Words find meaning in happiness and pleasure
But for love beyond measure, seek a song of salvation
I learned this lesson as a child
But as I grew, impact lessened all the while
Yes, I knew to seek the creator
Peace, love, and honesty follow this maker
And peace is what I crave
More than music, more than sound
More the veils of false hope that cover all around
I'll have peace when it is given
Because I can't make it
I only break it when I have it
Oh, what a lonesome habit
Silly rabbit, why didn't you realize
What you knew was true?
Follow, words!
Follow your leader, words!
You're useless and they see it
Yes, look at them out there
Staring back
Staring at the band in the back
The music sits patiently, poised to attack

Words w/o Music 1

Words without music are turning me colors
Pink, black, brown, and purple spots spotting my skin
Flash back to a swingset; a playtime with brothers
Dismiss bliss for this guilt; abandon your kin

Words without music are trying to block up
They're trying to stock up and hold back a flood
But futile their efforts are dead in the water
When music is gone words are stuck in the mud

The music is missing
Words give way to kissing
And kissing rots any heart out of its shell
These words are alone now
They wish that they knew how to
Bring back the music, bad thoughts to dispell

Words without music cling rock ledges for life
Slip-sliding and falling down a steep incline
You once were my music, but words are alone now
And the words will be useless til God gives a sign

Shmafety Shmirst

Safety first!
It's rule number one, no sacrifice too big
Safety first!
What good is love, freedom, or fun if your dead?!
Safety first!
Security is a drug that calms any nervous heart
Safety first!
I like to see a uniform, tucked in and looking smart
Safety first!
Of course you can see my papers!
Safety first!
Oh, it looks like I left them in the house,
would you please excuse m-
Safety first!
But officer, you can't be serious, I pay my taxes!
Safety first!
And besides, I'm... I'm... I'm white!
Safety first!
I swear to you, I've done nothing but watch TV
for the past ten years!
Safety first!
No seriously, every night I fix up a plate of
chicken and corn and I watch TV!
Safety first!
There's corn and chicken at the interrogation?
Safety first!
I suppose this is for the best
Safety first!
Aggressive questioning? Like torture? Well,
I guess you have to put-
Safety first!

All-American

I'm American as apple pie
Gooey center, crispy crust
I'm American like a legless chicken
Or a heapin' bowl a' corn dust
Mix & mash that dust up, make it mush
I'm American like a caged dog
Lickin' steel and bendin' bone
I'm American like the fat lady singin'
when all the cows come home
I'm American like a national ID card
Stars & stripes acrost the top
Carry that 'round with you long enough,
you'll be feelin' pretty American
I'm American like a tank rippin' down a ribbon road
Turnin' daisies, squishin' frogs, & skippin' toads
'crost the pond
I'm American like a large-mouth bass with a lip piercing,
defiant & snaggin' worms
A bag a' worms hangin' on a tree
Ain't American as me
I'm American like Bill O'Reilly (pause)
I'm American like my poppa was
And the way he did, it's the way I does
So clap your hands, all you Americans
And sing the song of good ol' ev'lastin' America

Spurned

Playing with fire, getting burned
Being a liar, being spurned
Now sings the choir all I've learned
And to the spire all have turned:

Love sent his son to break the chains of sadness
And yet to them I willingly hold
I cry to him when growing pains of madness
Around my heart turn a wand'ring soul cold

I take a blade and break the skin a few times
Holding it there till I become afraid
I fall on my knees
I hear a hopeless silence
O what have I
O what have I become...?

Okay, I Admit it

Contrary to popular belief, I am at fault
Chalk and rock salt paint the ground
As I walk through town with my head hung down
Like a hum-drum clown, kids stepping on my big shoes
A painted on frown claims innocence,
but a crushed heart glows with guilt
I loved you like a brand new car
Oh, I'm making this confession
There were times where you were nothing more...
than a possession
But my obsession grew
And my depression too
I learned to let my happiness ride on you
Yes, I loved you
And to this day I can't tell why I failed you
Yes, I admit that it was me
Scratching itches, all my pleasures temporary
And it's scary that I had to get dumped to find that out
How contrary to what I always shout or rhyme about
Hypocrite!
That's my name
And if you say it and click your heels three times,
everything will stay the same
And the shame of losing everything,
carrying that blame
Is enough to make me lie... awake at night

Holy, Holy, Holy (11/30/07)

Holy Holy Holy, Lord God Almighty!
Even from the depths of sin my song shall rise to Thee;
There is a sign at the sight of Thee, merciful and mighty!
God in three persons, blessed Trinity!

Holy Holy Holy, I can see your beauty;
In the works you've made on earth, the heavens and the sea!
There is a sign at the sight of Thee, great is your majesty!
Perfect in power, in love and purity.

Holy Holy Holy, sin cannot veil thee
Though all mankind looks away, Thy glory sets us free!
Only thou art holy, there is none beside Thee,
Grace that redeems us, blessed Trinity!

Holy Holy Holy, Lord God Almighty!
Peace will follow with you when your Kingdom comes to be!
There is a sign at the sight of Thee, there is none beside Thee,
God in three persons, blessed Trinity!

(Adapted from original by: Reginald Heber)

Bird Brain

I don't really know what phase I'm in
I'm not that concerned with much right now
Not trying to get my life back, I'll revel in this broken-heartedness
But what's a broken heart?
Is it broken like a wristwatch?
More like Humpty Dumpty
I'm the vision of an egg-shell man with a fetish for heights, and worst of all, no balance
My trouble is that I've fallen into such disrepair that I fear for my life
By the time I finalize this wretched reassembly, I'll be close to spoiling and not much use to anyone
Would I explain this to the solemn finches and sparrows who absentmindedly peck around my waste?
No
It would do me little good, so I mumble to myself with a similar effect
I see the same world with my eyes shut, so I keep them that way
In my foolish musings all that was "you" becomes all that is "her"
Maybe that's the next step
Either way, I hesitate to take steps, as each one brings a different kind of brokenness
So now it's "I miss her" on my brow
A resigned version of "I miss you"
A cease to the pleading coupled with an onset of dreary droopiness
Altogether unatractive I'm sure, indicative of the one how makes himself unlovable by believing it so
In this state, I'll pile up words like money-grubbing Scrooge and take no holiday
A bird sits on my table at home, and I'm able-bodied enough to carve an ostrich
But there's no will behind that knife
No knowledge of raptor anatomy or bravery to take risks
When I do open my eyes, I'm watchful
I see every scurrying beast on the forest floor, but when I catch their scent, I turn up my beak
My call is ironic; "Who?"
It is at night when I ask this
My fowl nature turns ever more sour
Bitterness glows on the horizon and I twist my neck at these new flavors
Earthbound with clipped wings, I trudge familiar paths and take what comes down from park benches
My dreams are bled by buckshot, clenched tight in a dog's mouth
I take off my cap, sit back and enjoy my blackened trigger finger food
Who I am in this story depends on who you ask, and ultimately fades from importance
Who she was remains a mystery, scattered by the wind
What pieces we took from each other start to whither
Neglected fledglings all, they cry out, beyond pacification
I take a little time to hunt for their meal, but no regurgitation seems to satisfy them
Their spines bend with sickness and a coming death
Who knows what brave birds these little ones would have become?
What unfathomable heights would be cut by their wings in the vast blue?
A mirror of a lake stretches beyond expert comprehension
Disruptive ripples emerge from a central floating figure
Ruffled and lifeless, this omen bobs a message
If my heart has ever been lifted by the story of the phoenix
It is now ever sunk at the sight of it;
This dead duck

Dead Duck

This dead duck was hers and mine
caught off guard by a fleeting arrow
Flung from nowhere, drawn in
creating sorrow
"Tomorrow is another day", they
say without a reading
Eating vegetables on Thanksgiving 'cause
the turkey here is bleeding
If our paths had crossed this holiday,
why we'd by having duck
Fleshing out lines of forgiveness,
biting till our teeth got stuck
Struck forever dumb,
I watch your raft float ever farther
Your back is turned, and so I've learned
the lesson of my father:

Bother not with thoughts of jealousy
for they will slow you down
Find a new hope built in happiness
and throw aside your frown
Drown not in tears of sorrow,
look at what life you have left
It's a lot, so thank your maker
He has taken all the heft
Brought upon by guilty burden
and sustained by youthful lust
Learn to focus on what matters
and in Jesus place your trust

So I nod my head and tie my shoes
and start off down the road
Slowed by nothing but my vices,
carrying a lighter load
As I spin the globe beneath me,
I see V-shapes in the air
Heading south for warmer places,
knowing not what will be there
In this I'm the bird that migrates
I know I can't change the weather
Whether promises mean anything,
I mean to live them better
Fetters broken, doors flung open,
I learned that lesson to the letter
"Later" is what I was hoping for,
but I know that "Now" is better

Boys and Girls

Boys and girls are teams
They each represent sets of attitudes and stigmas
Little girls are not made of stardust and rainbows
Little boys are not made of sawdust and chicken wire
They are flesh, they are blood, and they are hurting all the same

Untangle the weeds from your hair and stop calling them flowers
Pull the plank out of your eye and give the other team a hand
Love is universal, but rarely crosses gender picket lines
Give it time and it will realize the futility of stationary status

Love divine is strictly blind, but sickly binded by our mindstate
Left alone, patient and prostrate love is waiting for its chance
Here we worship graven images of love expressed in sin
All the while depressed within and eager,
Frantically scanning every landscapegoat grazing field
Eyeing out our match
The one we'll dump all of our problems on
And they will do the same
Till there's left no one to blame
And we'll justify our shame

One day we'll make our contributions to these big-blaspheming teams
Injecting worries dressed as dreams
Our partnership set sail, away from the son
Throwing up a bare-masted rebellion to the only one who ever loved you...

Starlight twinkles behind the summer air
But up close it's manufactured fare
Faries play in the field, kicking up dew
But they were screwed together too
By a child's calloused hands
How dare we fancy magic in a world as cold as steel
Hunger, death, and desperation are becoming what is real
Don't you claim to war against them, frollicking among the cure
Pure motivation of want drives us forward past the poor ones
Blotting them out
We're not boys and girls on this earth
We're dead and dying

Shivering Sweat; It is Love

God, strike me for my wickedness
Not as a consequence, but as relief
I've long shivered and sweat
Empty in my grief
I look now, to the heavens for some mercy
Some sort of sedative to ease the suffering
Hide from me my reward for a job not done
This Hell on earth blasphemes the Hell which you have saved me from
The worm that will not die tempts me to cut him out
I draw a blade, but hide it again
Knowing full well that you forgive all sin
Realizing, eyelids shaved, that I still suffer earth's wrath... and deserve it
Man's pity, even heaped, does nothing
Pull me to a place where I can do something
Or at least see anything
It's dark, it's downright black in here
My soul fits in, my heart in fear
Cries out for a rope
Preferably a ladder
The same one its always had
The same one it doused in kerosene and set afire
The good do not deserve my problems
The evil do not seek them out
The Holy One cries out to me
But I cling to the weight that pushes me down
"Raise me up!" I say, my feet on the land
My hands gripping the iron bars
I wail and cry out
I shed my heart and still nothing
My hands and feet have thrown off mind's imperial hold
Sheer will of want drives the grip
Turning skin red and warping bones
I cry again, this time to no one
Hoping something else can take me home
Love, I thought I knew you well
I scoffed at the man who claimed your company
Scoffing became chuckling
Chuckling turned to laughter
Hysterically I laughed and laughed
"I know love more than he knows me!"
I laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed
The man who I was laughing at turned my way
I saw his pale face, it drooped and sagged
His eyes no longer showed through
Their openings had become bags
He wore a ghastly suit
In fear I laughed
I laughed and laughed until I saw the truth
That man was I, he was myself
Gripping, slipping below mantle shelf
Swallowed by earth
To rise again? I AM will know
Will he lose his grip or just let go?
If by his will he looses the grasp, he flies
If by my want I grip until the last, I die
Foolish decisions turn me down, pray make this creature new
For no remnant of the old man can know what freedom is
He speaks another language, another tongue
Another day, another dollar
And so his bed was full of dollars
Giving him rest at night, sore back in the morning
When death comes, theres mourning for all that burned up like hay
Sticks, twigs and refuse all piled to such a height
When judgement comes a holy fire will make a wondrous sight
Split-second glory, a metaphor of what wealth means in life
An allegory when all done
The Father, Spirit, and the Son
All forces pushing me to run
I stand still
The grip still there, the feeling gone
The whip rips bare back, stealing song
Lids back, close fast, whip crack!

Light slides in slowly, singing voices
Holy, Holy, Holy
I lift up beaten head, battered limbs
I look to see my tattered skin
Is gone
Again the song
Holy, Holy, Holy, and then the throng
Voices raised, my own as well
Hell is gone, colors abound
I've found it!
That which I fought to achieve
That which I tried to believe
That which was so hard to grieve
I've found it!
It's been given to me
I have it, I give it, I share it, I live it
It is Love!
Boundless, unrelenting
Satisfying, upon repenting
I have found Love worth defending...
And now the groom comes to the altar
He lifts his bride up to meet him well
I never wanted anything so wonderful
For I knew not what it was
A Love that's perfect
Merely shadowed on earth
I've done nothing to deserve it
I'll still rejoice upon it's hearth
My sins, a stench left by a fire
That left a few small, humble gems
I AM erases any remnant
Of that old hay and sticks and twigs
The only thing I feel now
The only thing that's real
Is God's grace, is God's Love
We that are the bride all share it
Wrapped in Love, we gladly wear it
All is new, All is Love
My family sings again
Of our fruits, a harvest
Of our sins, a flood
Iron bars snapped in half
Eureka! It is Love!

Rings and Smiles

The day was clear
Our future near
I held you in the lobby
Put the ring upon your finger
Smashing all the chains of fear

The day was gone
My tears came on
Your mother, she sat by me
Gave me words of consolation
My heart ached and suffered long

There’s no way to tell the depths
Deepness of a live connection
Inside searching for direction
For a light inside the darkness
For a shadow in the day

There’s no explanation worthy
Capable of giving notice
Of my willingness for service
For a light which I can harness
For to wash my fear away

What we said would live forever
Was as weak as we all knew
When we said that we were diff’rent
We were kidding ourselves to
O love, maybe not you

I saw your face
For the last time
In a dream I had last night
Sang a song that gave me favor
Said a word that made it rhyme

The dream passed by
Carried by lies
Out the doorway, down the hall
Flying high into the heavens
Left me wishing I would die

There’s no lasso ‘round the moon
That can pull me closer to you
I live off all that I get from you
For a night-light in the dark room
As some dust dodging the broom
Is what’s left of all that hope

Invincibility we claimed
Time has had its victory
Differences don’t mean anything
When it comes down to me
My love, remember me

Playtime Song

Who's that in the arms of my mom?
He's little and fat, and he's sucking his thumb
It's Adam! It's Adam!
He's my little brother
I'm glad my first playmate has finally come

Kids play, kids run
Jumping outside, warming up in the sun
Hit the ball with the wiffle bat
Load your pop-gun
And jumping through sprinklers can be so much fun

Who's that with the orange backpack
And the long blodish hair flowin' down on his back?
It's Jonny! It's Jonny!
Let's play with some legos
Get those power rangers right out of the sack

Kids play, kids run
Jumping outside, warming up in the sun
Hit the ball with the wiffle bat
Load your pop-gun
And jumping through sprinklers can be so much fun

Who's that with the orangish hair?
He's tall and he's quiet, (it's hard not to stare)
It's Zach'ry! It's Zach'ry!
Let's walk through the forest
And kick all the bad guys right out of the air!

Kids play, kids run
Jumping outside, warming up in the sun
Hit the ball with the wiffle bat
Load your pop-gun
And jumping through sprinklers can be so much fun

What's that? Now the sun's going down
We're slinking inside now and wearing a frown
It's over! It's over!
Our fun is now ended
But we'll play again when the sun comes back 'round

Kids play, kids run
Jumping outside, warming up in the sun
Hit the ball with the wiffle bat
Load your pop-gun
And jumping through sprinklers can be so much fun

No More

I haven’t cried myself to sleep for almost two days
I’m guessing that means that I’m doing alright
Getting by’s not so hard even if you don’t try
The color of life is gone, but I still see the light

If the sun rose this morning, I wouldn’t have known
Though I do feel its heat on my soft, pale skin
If it got any colder that bird would have flown
Now it eats at the worm that has dug itself in

No more imagination
No more sympathy
No more clutching to crutches
No more love that is free
No more grasping for answers
They’re in front of me
No more vague explanation, no more

There’s no consolation in being the last
When everyone else sees the obvious truth
You find no foundation in seeing the past
Once again, what you see is in front of you

Entangled and baseless and drawing my breath
In a world where air is as common as air
The mind, not convinced, will bring upon death
While the straw-hat civilians pass by without care

No more incredulation
No more symphony
No more clutching to grudges
No more love left in me
No more gasping for air
It’s all around me
No more plagued concentration, no more

No obstacles lay where I cannot quite cross
I’m rolling downhill, but my pedaling’s strained
Though continually moving, I’m covered in moss
Never able to reclaim the loss that I’ve gained

Outside of reality, hand on the glass
I look in to see hot food cooking inside
For a while it gives hope, but this moment must pass
They don’t offer rewards for just being alive

No more incarceration
No more simplicity
No more clutching to judges
In attempts to be free
No mouth gaping open
To swallow the sea
No more false lamentation, no more

Risk

Hopeful eyes peer through the window
The paint is brown and I'm yet far
The night's disguise still plagues your doorway
I've left my town, but I'm yet far

Looking past the old state highway
The rain falls soft against my car
My room, it shrinks and fades behind me
I'm moving fast, but am yet far

Lines and shadows, weeds and lights
Color pale gray thoughts this night
My love for you invades my fright
I come to share your bed tonight
I come to rest within your sight

A cold phone rests atop your dresser
And hope mixes with worry now
Some time with you, what could be better?
You're wishing I would hurry now

The rain turns hard, the towns get smaller
There is no room for worry now
I've only got some time to offer
And I begin to hurry now

I leave Edina far behind
As the road begins to wind
My love for you has left me blind
I come to hear your voice so kind
I come to leave the world behind

You're guessing I can't be much longer
I'm guessing you might just be right
That feeling in my gut is stronger
Beneath your door I see the light

Reaching out to knock on the door
I take anticipatory breath
Though I was anxious, I am no more
As for my fear, there is none left

We embrace without delay
I was done with those lonely days
I finally get to hear you say
"I love you" like you used to say
My love has brought me all this way

My tired head now rests upon you
I'm at last safe beside you, dear
Just for a moment dreams have come true
A love I've never felt so near

Nature was Kind

A mouse scatters and a snake
Rattles as our feet
Fall soft against the field

Dust and light create a song
Three of us walk along
Caught up among the grain

I see my father in front of me
And I hear my brother behind
Fishing poles bobbing in unity
I thought that nature was kind
O I thought that nature was kind

Socks tattered
And our legs battered
by the thorns and twigs among the grain

Now my father hums a song
Three of us walk along
And hope that it won't rain

He backed his truck right up to the pond
And pushed all the cat-tails aside
We pulled the cat-fish into the bed
I thought that nature was kind
O I thought that nature was kind

Day scatters and a fire
Crackles as our breath
Blows smoke into the night

Fire and stars create a song
We stretch, our day was long
Caught up among the grain

I see the fire slowly burning out
And I see the coals turning white
I crawl into the tent early now
I thought that nature was kind
O I thought that nature was kind

Dirt and Pavement

Sit on rubber, spin it fast
The sundown sky has come at last
Lines, they follow strait-edge path
Given time will make it last
Our given time is coming fast

Stand in boxes, selling shapes
Letting colors fade to gray
Strangers passing day by day
Given time will show our way
Our given time is miles away

Isn't there some answer here?
Among the words to make it clear?
Always trusting in the thought
Our given truth is something taught
Our given time is what we've got

Trees darken as the sky
Grows paler and the wind
Blows cold upon your face

Feel the light come on inside you
The light is there to guide you
To what you do not know
You do not know
You do not know
No
You do not know

Feel the breath at last fall from you
Your given time's upon you
To find what you don't know
What you don't know
What you don't know
No
What you don't know

Fall on earth and breath in slow
The dust that lies in our below
Give up time that lets you grow
In love that you can never know
Our given time we'll never know

Talking to ghosts

A blog, which is a glorified online journal, will serve a very specific set of purposes for someone like me. It will never be advertised, linked to, talked about, cited, or most importantly, read. Knowing this, I forge ahead with effort that surpasses the effort which I put into most other daily acts of tedium. This wouldn't be my first foray into this marvelous world where people convince themselves their thoughts are considered. MySpace and Facebook have garnered my attention in the past drawing me ever closer with each "comment" or "reply". I have since dropped said habits and have decided to get right down to the meat of it: blogging. It's a word I don't like, but it's a word that has been so universally adopted that it's impossible to avoid. What drives most people in this venture is the fact that someone can... might spend a few moments of their time appreciating your thoughts. So it's possible, but the odds are severely against it. Let us say that the internet has led some unsuspecting traveler to the gates of your blogging kingdom. They have options. Click a title... scroll down... hit the "back" key. Assuming they have some sort of strange obsession with manners and would feel "rude" for backing out of your blog, they might even read it. What's important to realize is the only difference between people who read your blog and those who don't (first of all that those who don't actually exist) is that the people who have read your blog tend to waste more time. I'm not trying to be rude, I'm only suggesting that people don't care about your thoughts. They just don't. I'm not going to lie, I don't like to read. It takes an outstanding literary talent to rip me from my own line of thinking for only a few moments. I'm as impatient, uncaring and bull-headed as the rest of humanity, but I also like getting my thoughts out. In the end, getting your thoughts out doesn't require anyone else to hear them. That would only be a catalyst for their own decision to unleash their pattern of thinking.

What am I listening to? What am I watching? Who am I dating?
Why does it matter? I already know.